


Not Just a Toy

by YodelingProspector



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Comics, Gen, Imaginary Friends, Never grow up, Stuffed Toys, Toys as Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 17:38:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15393957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YodelingProspector/pseuds/YodelingProspector
Summary: "You're plush and plastic, but so real to me."The older Mark gets, the harder it is to have Jakuar as a best friend.





	Not Just a Toy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nessaiya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nessaiya/gifts), [AbstractionDesolation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbstractionDesolation/gifts).



It's like no toy Mark has ever seen before, a cross between a man and a lion, an action figure and a stuffed animal, and now he doesn't even have to choose one or the other because this one's both. The Lion Man has a floppy body but a plastic head and hands and paw-like feet. The shiny yellow eyes are looking right at him.

 

He looks strong, and tough, like the best protector in the world. Like a Jedi, or a superhero or Aslan from Narnia. Mark runs his hands through the toy's mane, better than the hair on any of his sister's dolls.

 

“Looks like someone just found a new best friend.” Mark's mom laughs as Mark smiles down at the lion man.

 

A cool toy like this needs a great name, though. But Leo seems lame, and Simba and Mufasa and Aslan are already taken. But they're all just lions, anyway, and this is a lion and a person. He's super special.

 

“Jagged?” Mark asks the lion man, and it's a fierce name, but the lion man doesn't like it, Mark can tell by his eyes it's not the right fit.

 

“Um, Mr. Hairy?” Mark asks with a giggle.

 

 _No way._ The eyes say.

 

“Jack?” No, that's too much like the boy at school.

 

“Jakuar.” He smiles down as Jakuar's eyes seem to say yes. The name fits, even though it sounds like Jaguar, and he's a lion man. Mark hugs Jakuar to his chest.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

“Get back here!” Mark shouts as Jakuar, making him run through the air as Mark chases his sister Lily through the house.

 

“Never!” Lily shouts as the mean crocodile who kidnapped all the baby animals and is going to eat them.

 

Mark glances at Jakuar, who's bouncing in the air beside him, limbs flopping like he's running.

 

He sprints extra fast around the corner, and there's a loud crash. Jakuar has knocked one of Mom's many cat statues from the shelf, and it's fallen to the floor.

 

“Kids! What are you doing?”

 

“Nothing!” Mark and Lily shout in unison. They wait, one, two, three, and then Mark and Jakuar are chasing Lily and the crocodile again, trying to be stealthy.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Mark wakes up to the dark room. Even with his nightlight, the shadows loom, and his glow-in-the dark stars have run out of their glows. He can't even see all the pictures of Jakuar that are now on his bedroom walls.

 

There's a crunch outside the window, and Mark tenses. His mind fills with images of the window breaking, of Bad Guys and kidnappers snatching him and taking him away. He burrows under his covers, hardly daring to breathe.

 

He realizes Jakuar is missing from his arms.

 

He reaches around, chest pounding. Jakuar's nowhere to be found. Gulping, he pokes his head out from under the covers and reaches over the edge of his bed, trying not to think about a hand grabbing him from underneath.

 

His fingers brush a familiar mane, and he sighs in relief. He grabs a fistful of hair and pulls Jakuar up, his limbs dangling.

 

Jakuar wouldn't let any kidnappers or monsters get him, and Mark can almost hear his lion whispering that in his ear, that he'd eat them before they got Mark.

 

Holding Jakuar tightly, Mark relaxes, and drifts off to sleep.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Mark pulls Jakuar out of his backpack and walks to the front of the room. He can feel all the eyes on him, Mrs. Smith's, and his classmates. He swallows heavily, stomach flipping. He always hated going in front of the class for Show and Tell.

 

Gazing down at Jakuar's yellow eyes, Mark manages to choke out “This is Jakuar.”

 

He tenses, waiting for the laughter, for one of his classmates to say Jakuar's dumb, his name's dumb, and Mark is dumb too.

 

Instead, there's some soft “Wow's” and “He's really cool.”

 

Mrs. Smith smiles and says “He certainly looks quite fierce. Where did you get him?”

 

“My birthday.” Mark mumbles. He's amazed he's getting any words out at all. Usually, he stands silently in front of the class, his nerves a wreck. His book report last week was a disaster.

 

There are a few more questions. A girl named Rosa wants to know if he's a hero who beats up bad guys. Mark nods. Jakuar always wins when the GI Joe's try to take him down and steal animals.

 

When Show and Tell is over, he reluctantly slips Jakuar back inside his backpack. He wishes he could stay at his desk with him, and help him be brave.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

“Do you want to play?” Amanda asks.

 

Mark has Jakuar on the playground at recess, after showing him off at Show and Tell.

 

Mark usually plays by himself, swinging aimlessly on the swings or kicking dirt, and watching some of the other kids play tag or play with their stuffed animals or dolls.

 

But today, he's been playing with Jakuar. They've been exploring the spaceship that's the Jungle Gym, only then it became an actual jungle. Jakuar is King of the Jungle, like Tarzan, even though lions really live in the Savannah.

 

He's been thinking, maybe he could join in with the Amanda and Rosa. Amanda has her stuffed panda, and Rosa's playing with a Barbie-like doll. He thinks Jakuar could be in their game, too, because right now the girls are playing spaceships with their toys, too.

 

Now, Amanda has come up to him, and asks if he wants to play.

 

Mark smiles softly and nods, and Amanda pulls him over to Rosa. “Petra's the Captain.” Rosa says matter-of-factly. “They're fighting aliens that are trying to take over the galaxy.”

 

Mark nods, and joins into their game. Jakuar kicks alien butt.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

He brings Jakuar to school every day now, though he's still disappointed that his lion-man has to stay in his backpack most of the day. Jakuar is disappointed too, it's like being kidnapped. But he gets to come out at recess, where they always play with Rosa and Amanda.

 

Then, one day, Jakuar really is kidnapped. Mark opens his backpack to find Jakuar is gone.

 

“What's wrong?” Rosa asks, Petra already in hand. She peers into Mark's backpack. “Where's Jakuar?”

 

Mark can't speak, frantically digging through his stuff in the feeble hope that maybe Jakuar's just under his notebooks, even though he'd been on top before. He's nowhere, right now.

 

Rosa goes to Mrs. Smith and says somebody stole Jakuar. Mark stands in a panic. He'll never see his best friend again, and Jakuar is completely irreplaceable. He hasn't seen another toy like him, and even if there _was_ one, it wouldn't be his Jakuar anyway.

 

He tries to fight back tears, not wanting to cry in front of his classmates. Jared's already looking at him like he's a loser.

 

Mrs. Smith questions Mark, then the class. Amanda spots a very familiar tail sticking out of Jared's backpack.

 

Jared pulls Jakuar out of his backpack, sneering. “It's just a stupid toy, you freak.” He throws Jakuar to the ground so his limbs splay out.

 

As Mrs. Smith takes Jared to the principal's office, Mark falls to his knees and scoops Jakuar into his arms, burying his face in Jakuar's mane.

 

He never wants to lose him again.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Mark stops bringing Jakuar to school. He hates leaving his lion at home, hates not being able to include him in his games with Rosa and Amanda, with Petra and Manda the Panda. But after what happened before, he doesn't want to risk losing his friend again.

 

Jared has started teasing him more, for being a crybaby sissy who _plays dollies with the giiirls._ Some of the other boys have joined in, too. Mark just tries to ignore them, but Rosa yells at them and tells them they're all idiots.

 

For Halloween, Mark wears his old lion costume, but adds battle armor so he's a lion warrior like Jakuar. He takes a risk and smuggles Jakuar outside in the pillowcase he's using for candy. He can say Jakuar's part of his costume.

 

He's ready to stuff Jakuar back in at any moment, but most people say it's cool his costume matches his toy. Rosa goes as a Star Trek captain, and Amanda is a panda. She brings Manda along, too.

 

Mark's birthday comes and goes. Jakuar sits by him as he opens presents, and Jakuar is still the best present Mark has ever gotten.

 

But Mark's parents are saying that he's too old to bring Jakuar to the family room to watch cartoons. And even Rosa and Amanda don't bring their toys to school much anymore.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Another birthday. Jakuar isn't there when Mark opens presents this time. He gets boring things, this year, no new toys. None would be as great as Jakuar, of course, but he wishes he got some more so he had more characters for his games. Instead, he gets a football.

 

His dad says he should be playing sports, and signs him up for wrestling. Mark likes making Jakuar wrestle, but he hates wrestling himself, because he always ends up crushed under a bigger kid.

 

Dad tells Mark it'll toughen him up, but all it's doing is inviting other boys to throw him to the ground.

 

He doesn't want to wrestle. He wants to be in his room, playing with his toys, and drawing pictures of them to hold up and show them. But instead of that, he spends his time getting squashed by bigger kids.

 

His sister Lily's stopped playing with her stuffed animals as much, even though she's two years younger than Mark. She's even started giving them away, and Mark's parents keep asking Mark when he'll do the same.

 

Never, he tells himself.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Mark already hates middle school, and it hasn't even started yet.

 

Rosa moved to the other side of the world over the summer. Sometimes he emails her, but it stinks not playing with her anymore, though over the years, they'd done less and less imaginative games. Mark really misses those games.

 

Amanda hasn't brought Manda the Panda to school in years, and she's been zoned into a different middle school, so he won't see her much, either.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Jakuar almost never leaves Mark's room now, except for vacations, and even then he's usually stuffed in Mark's duffel bag. Dad gave him that _are you kidding me_ look when Mark pulled Jakuar out in the hotel in Florida, and he stuffed Jakuar back into his backpack, face heated with shame.

 

He can't even be himself with his own family.

 

Mark really wishes he could still bring Jakuar places, misses playing with him on the playground or even sneaking peeks at the lion man in his backpack on the bus. But then he'd be painting a target on his back. Bringing a toy to middle school would be asking to be bullied.

 

So he daydreams about all the adventures Jakuar has, imagining holding his lion in his arms as they explore far off worlds, or fight poachers or evil sorcerers.

 

He's started turning the adventures into comics. He's pretty good at drawing. As he works at one during lunch, where Jakuar is saving a baby gorilla, Jared snatches it from the table. “Hey, you still like that stupid lion? What a baby!” Jared shoves him, rips the paper to shreds and leaves them to fall in Mark's thermos of soup.

 

Mark wishes he was seven again.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Middle school is worse than he feared, and he was already going in with no friends. He'd be braver if Jakuar was in his backpack, but of course he doesn't dare bring him.

 

Mark doesn't have anything in common with any of these kids. Mom says if he gets into things kids his age are interested in, he'll have more friends. But they're all obsessed with their phones, and he doesn't have one. His parents don't want him spending all his time on a screen, but they also don't want him playing with his old toys. So what is he supposed to do?!

 

The guys in wrestling talk about second and third base, but it's not about baseball at all, and lots of the kids make crude and mean jokes. They talk about which girls are the hottest, but Mark hasn't thought of that at all.

 

As he's taken down by yet another sweaty, large boy, and pinned to a stinky mat, he wishes Jakuar were real, and could teach him to wrestle better. Or just take these boys down himself, because really, Mark wants to quit wrestling entirely.

 

After he locks himself in his room at night, he has Jakuar pin the GI Joes down and save him.

 

He shudders to think of what would happen if they knew he makes tin foil armor for Jakuar still, that he still has lots of stuffed animals and action figures. That he still _plays with_ them.

 

They don't know that, thank goodness. They don't know much about Mark at all. Mostly, Mark just tries to be invisible.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Mark has just spent a week at wrestling camp, which he hated. The other boys were loud, and it was hard to draw his comics, which they mocked him for anyway. They soved each other and him around constantly.

 

Mark doesn't know why his Dad still has him in wrestling. It's done absolutely nothing, he's still a twig and loses every match.

 

Of course, he didn't bring Jakuar with him to camp, but his arms felt empty without his lion man.

 

When he returns home, he finds his room completely devoid of his toys. Even the rabbit Mom made for him when he was a baby is gone, and Jakuar isn't on his pillow anymore.

 

As if that wasn't bad enough, all his drawings of Jakuar are missing from the walls, too.

 

“It's time you grew up. Lily got rid of all her toys already.” Dad says from the doorway, arms crossed.

 

“We want what's best for you, honey. You'll have more friends, now that you've gotten rid of those childish things.” Mom adds. “It's so hard, seeing you not fit in.”

 

Mark stares at them in shock, hands balling into fists. How can his parents _do_ this?! He's already doing stupid wrestling like his dad wants, and he _had_ friends. Rosa and Amanda. But now that they're gone, he's content to lose himself in his imagination.

 

“ _I HATE YOU_!” He screams, and slams the door in his parents' faces.

 

At two in the morning, he sneaks into the garage and hunts through it, in the feeble hope that maybe they're just hidden somewhere, but his toys aren't there.

 

He misses all of them, but he misses Jakuar most. The thought of someone else having his lion man, probably leaving him to rot in a toy box or maybe even ripping him apart, makes Mark sick.

 

He's stupid, he should've hidden Jakuar under his bed or something so Dad couldn't find him. He shouldn't have his drawings on the walls.

 

Over the next several days, Mark combs the entire house over and over, until Dad tells him he sold “all that old junk” at a garage sale. That it's time to be a man now.

 

Mark wishes he could throw his Dad to the ground, like the other boys do to him.

 

Instead, he throws his pillow against the wall, pummels it mercilessly, and collapses onto the floor with a sob.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

In high school, Mark hits an unexpected growth spurt and ends up bulking up. He's actually muscular like the other wrestlers, but that doesn't mean he feels any more connected to them. He starts winning matches, and Dad says he's proud in a way he never did with Mark's comics.

 

Mark still draws comics of Jakuar, and comes up with a backstory for why he's a lion and a man at the same time. A techno-mage created Jakuar by fusing the two species together, to make the perfect pet and gladiator monster for a ruthless king.

 

At first, Jakuar was defeated every time, in violent and horrific ways, only to be remade by the technomage. But then he got stronger, started to rip his opponents to pieces just to survive, himself.

 

He hated it, and eventually escaped, crossing paths with a little boy who needed a protector.

 

Okay, so Mark's stolen a lot of the story from his own life, but they say to write what you know.

 

Eventually, Jakuar was forced away from the boy-who-is-totally-not-Mark.

 

Now, there are stories of him being kidnapped and having to escape. He draws Jakuar as muscular, like he always was, but now he can look in the mirror and sort of see Jakuar in himself.

 

Jakuar in the comics is like him. He's strong, but he's quiet. Even though he's strong, he's still working out how to escape his prison and get back to his friend.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

One day at lunch, Mark meets a girl named Kim, who has bright pink hair and is a lot more talkative than him. Like Mark, she draws a lot, but it's mostly anime girls. They become fast friends.

 

Eventually, he ends up accidentally admitting to how his comics are based on a toy he once had, and flushes with embarrassment. He's such a loser for still missing a toy years later. Fourteen-year-olds aren't even supposed to like toys.

 

But Kim gets it, she still likes toys, too, and even promises to help look for Jakuar, because she hunts through thrift shops for toys. Maybe Jakuar's in one of them, she says.

 

Mark doesn't want to get his hopes up, but he longs for his beloved toy again.

 

When Mark goes over to Kim's house, he's jealous of her bedroom. Even though he wasn't really into toy horses, her stuffed dragons are really cool.

 

In Kim's room, they play pretend with the toys, like they're kids, and Mark thinks it's his new favorite place in the world. He wishes he'd met Kim earlier.

 

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Everyone at school thinks Mark and Kim are dating. Grant and the other wrestling guys smirk and hint at all sorts of vulgar and invasive things. Mark forces a laugh, but the thought of dating and kissing Kim- or anyone, really- makes him want to vomit. He doesn't care about the cheerleaders, like all the other guys on the team.

 

Mark buys some action figures of professional wrestlers, half convinced Dad or Mom will just throw them away. Mom doesn't say anything, but she has her stupid cat and dog statues, so who is she to talk?

 

Mostly, his new toys sit on the shelf above his bed. He sometimes plays with them a bit, but it's not the same as when he was a kid, and they're not Jakuar. They do really help, though, as models for drawing, and his drawings of Jakuar's body look much more realistic when he sets them in poses for reference.

 

Sophomore year, he ends up quitting wrestling, much to his dad's anger, but he always hated it.

 

He locks himself in his room and keeps drawing comics. He works so hard on them that he almost fails English class, because he forgot to read the book.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Mark's parents are going out for the weekend, taking Lily with them. They tell Mark to be responsible, but they don't seem too worried about Mark raiding their wine cupboard, or having a wild party with his friends. That would require having friends other than Kim in the first place.

 

On Saturday morning, Mark holds his own yard sale. He makes almost seventy bucks selling most of his mom's cat and dog statues, and a lot of the WWE merchandise from his dad's office.

 

Mom and Dad are furious when they get home. They ground Mark for a month, but he doesn't care. He never went out much, anyway, and revenge is sweet.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Mark learns to drive- which is much harder than the remote control cars he used to have Jakuar ride- then gets a job stocking shelves at a grocery store. He has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Or, rather, he does, but he knows his Mom and Dad think a comic author isn't a real career.

 

He's only ever shown his comics to Kim, and sometimes emailed them to Rosa and Amanda.

 

Kim says they're really good, but she's his friend so she kind of has to say that.

 

But Kim's serious. Her dad actually works at a comic company, and she says she wants to show them to him.

 

Mark resists at first. They're just stupid doodles, but eventually he gives in. What has he got to lose? He's already an embarrassing loser who can't grow up or get over his long-gone toys. Kim still hasn't found any of them in thrift stores.

 

She's bought a few stuffed animals and GI Joe's, but they're not the same as the ones Mark had, and they live in Kim's room because he can't bring them home.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Kim's dad runs into Mark in the kitchen, and he says he read the comic.

 

Mark waits for him to say it was stupid.

 

Instead, Kim's dad raves about the idea, the characters. Mark's face heats up, but he's proud. He always thought Jakuar was a good character, there's a reason he stuck around for years, and Mark's been working on him for just as long.

 

Kim's dad admits the art isn't great, but with the right artist, the comic may be able to go somewhere.

 

Mark stares at him in disbelief, pinches his arm. He's still convinced he's heard him wrong. He hasn't even started learning how to drive or graduated high school, and already someone shows interest in his work? He didn't think anyone would show any real interest in it, ever, except for Kim.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

There are talks with the company Kim's dad works with. Mark still can't really wrap his head around any of this, but Kim's dad is there every step of the way.

 

Mark feels conflicted. He likes the thought of the world knowing about Jakuar, seeing him the way he sees him. But at the same time, Jakuar was always his friend, his private friend, and now he won't be only his anymore.

 

But the thought of publishing a comic is so cool, that Mark does a dance around Kim's room with her as she squeals and hugs him.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Mark's leading a double-life, like a superhero or secret agent or something. One part of him is a quiet boy who goes to school, and does his work. And then, he's also growing into a successful comic writer at the tender age of seventeen.

 

He's writing under the pseudonym Jim Smith, a nice bland name. He's heard some of his classmates talk about the comics (mostly the nerdy ones, but still), and he wonders what anyone would think if they knew he was behind them.

 

He guesses Jared hasn't heard of them. But Alan was also in his class that year, and he asks Mark if he's seen the cool new comic. “You might like it, it's like that toy you loved.”

 

Mark almost busts a gut trying not to laugh.

 

Sometimes he still doesn't think his life is real.

 

Mark's been thinking of new storylines for Jakuar, been submitting them to the company. It's weird having someone edit his stuff, but he thinks it comes out better when they do.

 

In the comics, Jakuar has escaped his captors who made him fight as a gladiator, but is now on an epic journey through planets undiscovered, trying to get home to his friend. He's not always badass and actually prefers to flee instead of fight. Fighting brings back bad memories.

 

Jakuar struggles constantly with fitting in. He's a mix of animal and man, so he doesn't fit in with either group, not fully. He's always an outcast.

 

As he writes the script and draws rough storyboards for the artist to render into amazingly detailed drawings later, Mark wonders where is toy is. He imagines his toy hiking the countryside, fighting off raccoons and escaping hyper kids who abuse him badly. He imagines him soaking in the rain, and some of these ideas end up worming their way into the comics. The artist produces an amazing drawing of Jakuar sitting in a downpour, his mane hanging around his wet shoulders, as he contemplates the struggles of life.

 

Some of Mark's other toys have made cameos, but so have Amanda, Rosa, Petra, Manda the Panda, and Kim.

 

Mark can't really say he's subtle about his cameos, but it's not like anyone really knows who they are, anyway.

 

Letters from fans have been pouring in. Lots say they love how human Jakuar is, before joking that he's only half human, and that's one of the things they love about him. How just like Jakuar, they don't feel like they fit.

 

When he was a kid, Jakuar was always strong, always there to protect him, but Mark is almost comforted to know that Jakuar struggles sometimes, just like he does.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Eventually, Mark's mom finds out about the comics. She finds him working on a script in his room, and of course he'd been flipping through one of the old issues.

 

She doesn't believe him, at first. She thinks there just happens to be a comic with a character that looks like “that old lion toy” he had.

 

Squaring his shoulders, Mark calls Kim, gets her to put her dad on, and it's only then that she believes him.

 

His parents and Lily gape at him, completely blown away. Then, Dad starts gushing about how he always knew his son had talent.

 

Mark scowls and storms up to his room. No, he didn't. His dad never thought that at all.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

He still picks up all his mail from Kim's house, even though his parents know now. He just doesn't want them asking a million questions.

 

One day, as he's contemplating who will help Jakuar hotwire a spaceship to escape another hostile planet, he heads to Kim's.

 

There's a package waiting for him, and he opens the letter on top. Kim reads it aloud over his shoulder.

 

_Dear Jim,_

 

_I've been a fan of your comic since the first issue, but was confused when Jakuar looked very familiar._

 

_I thought he looked a lot like an old toy I'd picked up somewhere. Oh well, I figured maybe you just based his design off a toy._

 

_But then, I looked online, and I haven't seen a single toy like him anywhere. He's one of a kind._

 

_I figured, he must have been yours. And even though I loved him when picking him up at that yard sale, loved him even more when the comics came out, I figured it was only fair to return him to you. He was yours, first, and if not for you, I wouldn't have these awesome stories about him._

 

_I hope you're glad to see him._

 

Mark is ripping the box open by the second paragraph, hardly daring to hope. He thought getting a comic published was the best thing that ever happened to him, but if this letter is telling the truth.

 

Inside, laying on a bunch of packing peanuts, is Jakuar. His limbs are splayed out, and his mane is a mess, but Mark pulls him out of the box, smoothing a hand over his mane and hugging him to his chest.

 

It's really him, Mark would know those yellow eyes anywhere, and he, too, had looked online. He doesn't know where Mom got Jakuar all those years ago, but he's truly one of a kind.

 

And now, after all these years, he's finally home.


End file.
